Mad about IYERS...:-)

Hi friends,

Well this one is dedicated to all my tambrahm friends or to be more specific Tamil IYER friends and ofcourse my cousins who are gonna have a great time recollecting encounters with my paati...:-)

Have you ever wondered why your PAATI(grandmother in iyer tamil) starts screaming at you, when you are about to place the curd near rice on the table???

or you might've heard her screaming when you are about to place NEI(ghee) on the table near rice,rasam or sambhar.. the list goes on for many such innocent actions of yours and the only words you get to hear is "PATHU","MADI","ECHIL",etc.....

Now, PATHU....what the hell is it??

You may ask..Hey RT, does it mean the number 10??

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has deeper meanings to it and a history that traces back to the 18th century and has been passed and restored with all its glory..:-)

A detailed study on these customs.....

Custom 1:

What is PATHU ???

Ans: As the name suggests, it is not the number ten, but it is something as dangerous as 10^10 and can make your paati dance about it even in her dreams.

Now I ask my paati, "Paati, Pathu na yenna?"(what is PATHU?)

She says in a comical sense "vombothu ku aduthu varuthu thaan pathu..:-P.."(the number after nine is ten,man iyers can be lame at times!)

I just yawn at her reply and ask her to answer honestly, doing all the emotional blackmail saying, we'll never know it, if you don't tell us...that's when she starts the history of pathu.

In olden times, the food which was cooked everyday was seperated from food which did not require cooking, ok those days there was a reason behind this: the uncooked food doesn't get spoilt that easily,but the cooked food gets spoilt when it comes in contact with the uncooked food.Now of course we have technologies like refrigerator and these things should not matter much..:-)

Anywas back to the customs, items like sambhar,rasam,rice,curry,kootu,etc which my paati cooks in large quantities everyday require cooking techniques like boiling it,stirring it,etc and come under the "PATHU" category.

Where as items like curd,paayasam(though I don't get the logic cos ultimately milk was also boiled..chuck it!),NEI(madrasi ghee, okay now this is also made by boiling the vennai, chuck it again!),etc come under the "NON-PATHU" category.

I hope with this, the definition of PATHU and NON-PATHU becomes clear.Here we discuss the basic rules all you tambrams should be aware of regarding PATHU:

Rules of PATHU :

1. Never keep the PATHU items near the NON-PATHU items. Make sure you buy a dining table big enough, so that these items can easily be seperated from each other(I think that's the only criteria,my paati will have before buying one).

2. Never touch the NON-PATHU items without washing your hands, especially after touching the PATHU items. If you do so, the food will be thrown(depends on my paati's mood but if we insist not to,then she keeps it for us to eat!), no matter how tasty it is,she will not consume it and nor will let my tata consume it.Okay now washing in their case means just merely touching water with the tip of your fingers...:-P

Consequences:

1. If by chance, a NON PATHU item, touches a PATHU item on the table, woah look at the fate of the NON PATHU boy now, he becomes a PATHU boy!!(ROFL!)

2. Also, if a NON-PATHU item is touched without washing your hands after touching the PATHU items, again it is awarded the honourable status of a PATHU item.

True stories:

Victim no.1: Aarthi Shankaran

One hot summer afternoon, this girl comes back from college early and after having a quick wash sits on the table and starts helping herself for lunch innocently, not knowing the life-changing incident that she is about to face. She puts some curry,kootu and then finally rice on her plate(cos it is a rule that, you shouldn't put rice on empty kalam=plate=tattu) and decides, its time for some NEI(madrasi ghee) cos it always feels great to have rasam rice with NEI. She reaches to take the NEI and hears a demon-like voice(PAATI's ofcourse,at times to make things look more dramatic,my paati takes out a weird voice) screaming "PATHU,PATHU,PATHU" and she innocently ignores it saying "PANANDU,PANANDU,PANANDU". Had she known what she had actually invited, she would have never replied back that way,anyways back to the scene, she touches the NEI and there comes her PAATI, so hurt and unable to stand the sight of her PETHI(grand daughter) touching the NEI without washing hands, just keeps the NEI aside and forever that NEI got ignored and never got the royal treatment it was meant to get.

Now, I know that's one sad and life-changing incident that happened in RT's life and maybe that's the reason she has been so traumatized, that she took such a big decision of writing this blog and educating her friends and cousins who still are as blank as blank could be..:-P

Victim no.2: Aishwarya Dandapani

It was dinner time and all of us were sitting on the dining table and we felt lucky enough, cos our paati was busy watching serials(which she always does,other than meals time, for obvious reasons that she has to have an eye on us!! and find reasons to isolate innocent food items!)anyways so we were doing all the crime on Earth, touching everything with the same hand without washing,since she wasn't around...woah and there she was, like a villain's entry in the climax, comes and discovers that the Curd has been placed near Rasam, how on Earth can that happen,that's what she thought and that curd was isolated and duhh isolation in her terms means that neither she nor my tata(grand father) will ever consume it after that, eventhough its fresh, they'll make another fresh batch and then have it and we are the victims as always to consume it.

Aishwarya and her best friend RT will never forget these small incidents, that taught them life-time lessons about PATHU and precautions and steps that should be a must for every IYER kids having PAATI's who constantly scream PATHU.

Victim no.3: Deepaa Sundararaman

Though her story does not have a sad ending, she was having dinner and helping herself a couple of days back and touched a non-pathu item(okay now she has never touched curd in her life and neither does she take Nei n all, so she doesn't have much problems to worry about in her case, cos the lil that she eats, mostly falls under the pathu category!!..:-P)and for a change she touches the NON-PATHU item and her Paati just tells her"aduthavaalum sapadanum thodathe"(others also have to eat,don't touch!) which was just a sweet warning. Her paati says it in a decent manner and closes the matter there, which indicates that Deepaa has a bright opportunity of learning from her mistakes the nicer way, unlike us...:-(

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We guys have adequate information about PATHU, now you may ask, RT(the genius!) what the hell's "PAZHAM PATHU"????

Ans: RT says, woah big question guys, but small answer. It is nothing but the PATHU carried forward to the next day. Which basically means that if I have cooked something like rice today and have preserved it so that I can use it tomorrow, it will be given the most prestigious name it can ever dream of - "THE PAZHAM PATHU". So a PATHU evolves into a PAZHAM PATHU after a day.

Custom 2:

What's MADI? (An interesting question raised by my friend DEVIL)

Ans: It basically means, avoiding contact with unwashed garments,which in turn my paati puts it as unwashed people and she runs away from us every morning, as if we are dying to touch her. Wait for my next blog for more information on this.

Custom 3:

What is "ECHIL"?

Ans : It means , avoiding contact with your saliva at any cost, which results in eating habits (of my paati) like throwing food towards the mouth and catching it with your mouth.(PS: notice your grandparents who follow these rules,eat once, you'l know the answer!) The next blog about these customs are also on its way....:-) This can also be noticed, the way we iyers are supposed to consume coffee after aathifying in the davara and drinking the coffee by not sipping the tamblar and directly pouring that hot thing into your throat.Man Iyer guys are risky people!

There are many more practices which are totally illogical when given a thought, but still followed with the same intensity by our Paatis.

Custom 4:

Now this one's awesome, I remember my paati telling me to "ECHIL YEDUTHUfy"(clean the spillings on the dining table) and I take a cloth,remove the spillings and throw the particles in the bin and sprinkled water to clean the table and I hear a voice screamin "Appa naan yaaruta poi solluven nee kariyam pannara azhaga!!"(whom do I go, tell the way u work-duhh in a negative sense!) and I was like what's wrong in it and the next day my paati cleans all the left over with her palm and then sprinkles water and cleans with her palm again(honestly,this makes the table dirtier!)and finally wipe it dry with a swab cloth specially kept out for the purpose and then rinse the cloth and dry it out for future use.

How do you like this guys?? Any other queries related to Iyer paati rules, contact me....:-) Always at you service...have a good day...:-)

PS : After reading this blog, remember the power is yours, you are not innocent anymore, don't put yourself in that situation again, where in you become a victim,like I was once....:-)..:-)..:-)